All I do is sit in a corner and wish I were looking at you once more.

That I was gazing upon the beauty of your laugh, eyes crinkled in joy, lips twitching slightly in mirth. The appearance of that dimple like an impudent surprise, heaped on the brazen laughter you break out in whenever you are truly amused. I loved eliciting that laughter. It was special, a wonder among wonders.

I thought I knew you, but I held you like spun glass, delicate in your beauty. I was afraid that if I pushed too hard, you would break. Yet, you, easygoing as you are, could hardly want the things I wanted.

I felt impure, broken. I thought you would make me whole, but I could not make you whole, for you have always been whole. It made me feel sullied -- that I was marring your purity with my impetuous wants. The pain of how remote you were brought me to my knees. It made me wonder.

It made me ask -- Why? Why me? What did you see in this flawed human?

I couldn't take it any longer. There was only one thing to do, one sacrifice to make -- so she could shine once more, virgin territory bright and gleaming, a beacon of purity for other lost travellers, if only they did not fall in the trap I had.

All I can do is sit in a corner and wish I were looking at you once more.

Even now, when your eyes are averted and you can no longer see me.

~

I love the way your eyes were always on me.

No matter where I was, as long as I was in the same room, my attention was drawn to you. You, in your quiet intensity. It made me feel shy, that direct glance. And it wasn't anything I had ever felt before -- this hesitance, this tenderness. It was not only the way you spoke, but the way you worshipped me.

I know I hurt you being so flippant sometimes, but I was trying. I was trying to say the words that could not come easily. They were words I had never said before. My only defense was my laughing exterior, the one that said everything was right with the world, even when I was floundering inside and everything was falling apart.

I saw you becoming distant, and now you were the one hurting me, and I could not understand why it was going like this. We were meant to be perfect. I only wish I could have told you how much I wanted that.

It made me wonder -- why? Why couldn't I say it? I knew it all in my heart, yet the words would not come.

It is only now that I realise I love you, but it's too late to say it. The tears choke me -- unending streams of bitter sorrow, the sorrow borne from loss that could have been averted.

All I can do is wish you were looking at me once more.

Even now, when you can no longer do that.
A/N: Sometimes saying something is worse than not saying it...other times, it's the very lack that hurts.